


As These Shadows Fall On Me Now

by alilyinhighgarden



Series: When You Get This Close, You Can Feel The Heat [2]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Post-HIAC 2018, a hard fought night makes Seth emotionally raw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 13:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16041653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alilyinhighgarden/pseuds/alilyinhighgarden
Summary: “Tonight was just… a lot. First I failed you and then- then I dunno man, it’s like we walked through some fucking time loop. The fight on top of the cage, the kendo stick, the fall. All of it was like I was in some version of my memories.” He eyed Dean carefully, trying to detect any ghosts in those piercing blue eyes. “It didn’t fuck with your head?”In which Seth knows Dean has forgiven him. Sometimes he just doesn't understand how.Post-HIAC 2018





	As These Shadows Fall On Me Now

“Imma grab some water and you can take some of those pills,” was the first thing Dean said once they got into their hotel room. 

Seth limped over and gingerly sat down on the chair in the corner. Every movement received a protest from some part of his body, chastising him for the events of the evening. Dean moved about the room, gathering supplies as he went. Eventually three items were placed on the table beside him. Pain meds, water, and a chocolate bar. The chocolate was likely intended so that Seth would have something in his stomach along with the medicine but it somehow seemed the most necessary as Seth felt like he had come face to face with a dementor. 

“Thanks,” he murmured and shook two pills out into his palm.

“Christ, tonight sucked.” The words were muffled as Dean pulled his shirt over his head and threw it in the corner near the bathroom. 

“Yeah,” was all Seth said in response. 

Before he knew it was happening Dean squatted down in front of him, wincing as he did. After all, Seth was not the only one who had been through the grinder. They had  _ both _ been in a match that pushed them hard and had  _ both _ run out to try and make sure Roman’s playing field was even. In the end the latter ended up being for nothing, which made each sharp pain hurt a bit more. 

Dean placed his hands firmly on Seth’s thighs and stared straight into his eyes, appraising what he saw there.“You didn’t hit your head did you?”

“Like I told the medics,  _ no _ . Head’s all good,” he said with a dismissive wave. 

From the look on Dean’s face he did not buy it. “Well what’s wrong? You’re freakishly quiet. I expected you to be bitching the whole car ride.”

It was true. He had been quiet. He would be surprised if he had spoken a dozen full sentences since they left the medical personnel backstage. He grabbed the water bottle and fiddled with the cap back and forth, never fully opening or closing it. “Just thinking.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” 

Seth smirked at that but it had to be obvious there was no heart behind it. 

“Spit out whatever is rolling around up there,” Dean said, running his fingers lightly along Seth’s jaw, as if the touch would pull the answers out. And maybe they did, because Seth found that words tumbled out of his mouth before he had a chance to halt them.

“Tonight was just…  _ a lot. _ First I failed you and then-“ he continued over Dean’s attempt at protest, “then I dunno man, it’s like we walked through some fucking time loop. The fight on top of the cage, the kendo stick, the fall.” Cap twisted to the left. “All of it was like I was in some version of my memories.” Cap twisted to the right. He eyed Dean carefully, trying to detect any ghosts in those piercing blue eyes. “It didn’t fuck with your head?”

Dean shrugged, “There were moments I thought ‘wow this is familiar’ but before I could dwell on it I was having to take care of dumb or dull. I was more worried about punching Drew’s fucking face than reliving old shit. I didn’t even know you’d flung yourself off the side of the goddamn cage again until I was coming down and saw you there.” 

As if to punctuate Dean’s sentence Seth’s back spasmed and caused him to let out a sharp hiss. 

“Stop playing around and take those,” Dean implored, tapping at the hand still holding the pills. Seth complied.

“That was scary you know,” Dean grabbed some pills for himself and took the water bottle to swallow them down. “Looking down from the top and seeing you laying there, not moving.” His tone was a forced kind of casual that meant he was feeling anything but. “I mean- the docs weren’t crowding around you so I knew you were okay but-“ his fingers ran along his collarbone, “as I was climbing down I kept glancing back at you and you kept being in the same damn spot and-“ What the follow up of that thought was Dean did not say but Seth could imagine. Could put himself in Dean’s shoes and feel his heart drop at seeing him lying so still for so long. “Just- uh. Just stop doing shit like that.” 

That earned a raised eyebrow from Seth. “You’re one to talk.”

“You do more stupid ass stuff than I do,” Dean said through tight lips and poked him in the chest. 

Instead of a rebuttal Seth picked up his train of thought from earlier. “Once I hit that table tonight I was laying there because I hurt, yeah,” he paused and ran his tongue along his bottom lip, wondering if he wanted to say what he was thinking. Really there was no use on hiding it. Dean knew something was off. “But also I kept- I kept thinking about how we had done all this shit to each other. Like the exact same shit.”

“Don’t,” Dean huffed, anticipating where Seth’s mind had traveled, “Not tonight man.”

Seth ignored him. “I know the what and whys of what I did back then but-” He leaned fully into the chair and ran his hands down his face, “god Dean I put you through so much.” Maybe it was the exhaustion of the night or the fact that Seth had gone through the motions once again, or both. Either way he was feeling more emotionally raw than he had in some time. 

“You weren’t the only one doing shit. Sure we were going through it because you sucked but I was there too.” Dean shifted to his knees and scooted in between Seth’s legs. “Anyway, it’s in the past. We’re not those guys anymore.”

“You know,” Seth rubbed his brow, circling what was plaguing him. “There’s a difference between saying you forgive me and being confronted with a funhouse mirror version of one of my worst moments.” He swallowed down the lump that was forming in his throat. “ _ How  _ did you forgive what I did to you? Really?” 

Dean let out deep breath. Seth knew it was a loaded question but this also was not new territory. It had taken a while for Seth to believe that Dean had let it all go because how could he? It took time but he had finally accepted that Dean was capable of a forgiveness he would never fully understand. Tonight, however, had messed with him. 

“We’ve been over this,” Dean shrugged, “holding on to that shit would have just eaten at me.” He took Seth’s face in his hands as if to make sure that he could do nothing but listen, “And loving you. Trusting you.  _ Fuck _ . It feels so goddamn better than the other options.” 

Seth’s heart ached at that but in a good way. In a way that proved that the words rang true in his soul. He reached up and covered one of Dean’s hands with his own. “I love you so much,” his voice was tight and then turned to press a kiss into the other man’s palm. The small, genuine smile that the gesture caused was enough to distract from both his physical and mental anguish. Dean looked so beautiful when he smiled. 

“Let’s go to bed before you have anymore existential crises and turn into a marshmallow.” 

Seth laughed which was then followed by a whine at the pain the movement caused. 

Twenty minutes, a devoured chocolate bar, and one hot shower later Seth finally slid under the covers. Dean immediately wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled Seth into him. 

Dean kissed his neck and then said in a voice barely above a whisper, “You didn’t fail me. Don’t let that shit fester in that brain of yours. We did damn good out there tonight. Drew is just a problem we gotta continue to figure out ways to neutralize.” 

The thought that he should once again offer Dean a challenge for his title until they  _ did _ find the solution crossed his mind but he did not verbalize it. That had been a can of worms that was cracked the other night but had not yet popped and they were both too worn down to hash it out tonight. 

Seth laced his fingers with the hand that rested on his stomach. “I just want you to be happy.” And in that moment he was profoundly grateful that he was not facing Dean because he would not have been able to conceal the tears stinging in his eyes. 

“I am,” he tightened his hold around Seth for emphasis. “There are things that are going to piss me off or fucking eat at me but as long as I’m here at the end of the night then life’ll be fine.” 

This was something Seth knew. There were so many times throughout their days together when what was felt was not just love but  _ contentment _ . And he knew that he was not the only one of them that felt that way. They were certainly in a different place than this time last year, when there was at least one memory a day that would float to the surface to scream at him how much he did not deserve to have Dean back in his life in such an all encompassing way. Time, effort, and honesty had mostly banished those feelings. 

“I kn- I just-“ what he was even trying to say he did not know, “I’m sorry,” he finally croaked out.

The bed dipped as Dean propped himself onto his elbow so he could stare down at Seth. “I’m not even sure  _ what _ that sorry is for but  _ stop it _ ! I get tonight fucked with your head but you  _ have _ to stop.” The words were firm but gentle. Dean nudged his shoulder. “Get some fucking sleep and maybe you won’t be such an emo shit in the morning.” 

Seth snorted and rubbed his free hand across his eyes and took a breath to say something else but was cut off. 

“SLEEP.” Dean said in an unexpectedly loud voice. “NOW.”

“Okay. Okay. I’m done.”

“Good.” But instead of laying back down Dean leaned over and pressed a kiss to the corner of Seth’s mouth. 

“This is not helping me get to sleep,” Seth said while he tilted his head back to give a proper kiss in return. 

Dean laughed against his mouth. “True.” 

The mattress bounced as Dean settled back behind him and Seth closed his eyes. Tonight was like being thrown into a war he had no intention on revisiting the battlefield of but there were some big differences from when he fought on those lines four years ago. The biggest being that through it all he had Dean. On his side, in his heart, and now in their bed as he drifted off to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> All the call backs to Dean and Seth's HIAC match personally wounded me and Kyrene3 felt like Seth needed cuddles after his night so this happened. 
> 
> Title from "Say It To Me Now" from Once: The Musical.


End file.
